


CroNcH squam

by Tixxly



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 3am messaging, CRONCH, Connor and Zoe dont hate each other, Everybody Lives, Expensive Boyfriends, F/F, F/M, Jeremy Heere (Mentioned) - Freeform, M/M, Michael mell (mentioned) - Freeform, Murphy Sibilings, Poly kids, Polyamory, Rich Goranski (mentioned) - Freeform, Teletubbies, Texting, jared works at lush, sincerly three, treebros, why is that a tag?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-05
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-01-09 07:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12271812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tixxly/pseuds/Tixxly
Summary: CuterMurphy™: the teletubbies have childrenShooterchic: whatShooterchic: noShooterchic: nO





	1. Tiddlytubbies

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao,,, I'm not sorry

**CroNcH squam**

 

CuterMurphy™: connor

CuterMurphy™: ik yall awake connor

CuterMurphy™: *sent a pic*

CuterMurphy™: the teletubbies have children

Shooterchic:what

Shooterchic:no

Shooterchic:nO

Shooterchic:NO

CuterMurphy™: I WATCHED ABOUT A MINUTE OF AN EPISODE AND THERE WERE LIL BABY TELETUBBIES

Shooterchic:whAT HOW WHEB NO THE MONSTERS 

CuterMurphy™: they were fuckin cute tho

CuterMurphy™: IM LAUGHING SO HARD THE BABY ONES ARE CALLED TIDDLYTUBBIES

CuterMurphy™: THE BLUE AND GREEN ONE LOOK DEAD INSIDE

CuterMurphy™ : ?? Connor

CuterMurphy™: diD YOU JUDT SCREAM

Shooterchic: THOSE ARE FUCKING TERRIFYIG WTF

Shooterchic: NOPE

Shooterchic:'whyd connor try to kill himself this time' 

Shooterchic: fuckIng baBy Teletubbies

CuterMurphy™: now i have pictures of the tiddlytubbies on my phone and my friends are probably gonna be like 'Zoe wtf'

Shooterchic: zoe wtf

Savethetrees: zoe what the hell

CroNcH: zoe what the fuck

CuterMurphy™: wait

CuterMurphy™: this is the gc

CuterMurphy™: oops

CuterMurphy™: bUT HOW ARE THEY TERRIFYING THEYRE ADORABLE HOW ARE THEY SCARY IS IT BC THEY DONT HAVE EYEBROWS ARE YOU SCARED OF THE MONA LISA TOO 

Shooterchic: 1. Jared Evan bbies sleep its like 4 am

Shooterchic: 2. SOULLESS DEMON EYES

CuterMurphy™: THEY LITERALLY HAVE BIG ANIME EYES

Shooterchic: YEAH BUT IN ANIME THE EYES ARE USUALLY ON PEOPLE

CuterMurphy™: KDDKKXXJ DID U JUST ASSUME THEIR SPECIES

Shooterchic:NOT TEDDIES THAT GROW TO BE 8FT TALL WITH A TV IN THEIR STOMACH

CuterMurphy™: ahem

CuterMurphy™: theyre actually 10ft tall

Shooterchic: fuCK IM OUT THEYRE HUGE NOPE GO TF TO SLEEP ZOE

CuterMurphy™: HAVINF A TV ON UR STOMACH CAN BE USEFUL

Shooterchic: NOTHING CAN CONVINCE ME THAT THEM AND THEIR DEMON OFFSPRING ARE GOO

Shooterchic: IF SATAN WAS REAL, I FOUND HIS CHILDREN

CuterMurphy™: S T O P THEY DID NOTHING WRONG

Shooterchic: THEY EXISTED AND TRAUMATISED ME

CuterMurphy™: THEIR FUCKING ADORABLE

Shooterchic: im bloccing you this is bullying and im gonna have nightmares

CuterMurphy™: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, fine u loser

CuterMurphy™: sweet niGhtmAres

_seen at 4.46am_

Shooterchic: zoe,,, you.better freaking run

_seen at 7.56am_


	2. Frosted Nipples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared likes to remind Connor of the time he got stoned in a strangers basement, what better way than befriending the stranger?

_**CroNcH started a new Chat with Shooterchic and 2 others.** _

_**CroNcH named the chat 'Frosted nipples'** _

 

Shooterchic: jared i love you but wtf

Heereandqueer: henlo stinky

Heereandqueer: go smoke a joint stinky

Michamellon: you can't speak Jer alSo HeY cOnNor ReMeMbEr Me

Shooterchic: should i

CroNcH:Con be nice

Michamellon: yeah con be nice 

Michamellon: im slightly offended,, i don't let many people get stoned in my basement

Shooterchic: wait

Shooterchic: michAEL!!? 

Shooterchic: BuDdY hOwS iT gOiNg

_**Shooterchic added Savethetrees** _

Shooterchic: evan got s a l t y

Savethetrees: HI JER

Heereandqueer: EVAN HI I MISS YOU

Savethetrees: HOWS UR DAD 

Heereandqueer: GOOD HOWS UR MOM

Michamellon: you guys freaking live together

Michamellon: y'all are related

Savethetrees: why frosted nipples

CroNcH: Why  _not_ frosted nipples?

Michamellon: are y'all still tree fucking

Savethetrees:?

CroNch: yep

Shooterchic: yknow it ;)

Savethetrees: am I missing something?

Savethetrees: guys?

Savethetrees: wait

Savethetrees: ,,,,,, yes they are

Heereandqueer: eW I DONT NEED TO KNOW THIS

 CroNch: hey how's rich going Jer?

Heereandqueer: goTtA blAst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I like this


	3. b E G O N E T H O T

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Savethetrees : why is connor throwing stuff at jer and yelling begone thot
> 
> Savethetrees : im scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? forgetting MY password? more likely than youd think ;)

**CroNcH squam**

Savethetrees : why is connor throwing stuff at jer and yelling begone thot

Savethetrees : im scared

Shooterchic : b E G O N E T H O T  

Shooterchic : *dab*

CroNcH : stopconnor2k18  
  
CroNcH : benefits of him stopping is that i could eat bathbombs  
  
CroNcH : and he would just,,, stop  
  
CuterMurphy™: connor if this is about what i think it is i will hit u  
  
Heereandqueer: I SAID I WAS SORRY

Michamellon:  do it for the vine

Michamellon : make me proud son

Shooterchic : ill make u proud dad

Shooterchic : alSO YOU FUCKING HOE  
  
Shooterchic : STRWABERRY MILK IS JESUS COMPARED TO YOUR CHOCOLATE SHIT

Shooterchic :  GET UR DEMON ASS MALK OUT OF MY HOUSE

CuterMurphy™ : THIS IS THE FIFTH TIME THIS WEEK

CuterMurphy™ : ITS WEDNESDAY

Michamellon : why are you opressing my son

Michamellon : that,, is homophobia srry i dont make the rules

Shooterchic : t(-_-t)

CroNcH : me @ myself in the mirror everyday

Heereandqueer : me @ myself when i exist

Savethetrees : me @ my crippling anxiety

CuterMurphy™ : me @ people who hate allie

Michamellon : me @ myself when i breathe

Shooterchic : i came here for a good time and i honestly feel so attacked rn

CroNcH : we protecc

Savethetrees : we protecc

Shooterchic : but most importantly,,, i crave deacc

CuterMurphy™ : wow we love boyfs who finish each other sentences

Heereandqueer : Hah - 

Michamellon : gAYYYYYYYYYY

CuterMurphy™ : im surrounded by homosexuals this is opression

Shooterchic : but,,,,,, ur,,,,, gay?????

CuterMurphy™ : deleted, blocked and reported 

CuterMurphy™ : by power of jazz i decree,,,, connor is a bully


	4. no homo tho

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CroNcH : im jared 19 and will suck dick for meth  
> CroNcH : no homo tho

**_CroNcH squam_ **

CroNcH : im jared 19 and will suck dick for meth

CroNcH : no homo tho

Shooterchic : i dont have meth but u can suck my dick

CroNcH : no thanks thats gay

Shooterchic : bro no homo

CuterMurphy™ : this is a house of jesus 

Heereandqueer : oh? havent you heard?

Heereandqueer : jesus abandoned us like 12 ago

CuterMurphy™ : 12????

CuterMurphy™ : 12 what???

CuterMurphy™ : years?? seconds??

Heereandqueer : y e s

Michamellon : hey can i add my boyf its too str8 in here

CroNcH : we can suck dick for meth together

Michamellon : i dont have meth thATS GAY

CroNcH : yes u not having meth is very gay and rude

**_Michamellon added MrRichieRich_ **

MrRichieRich : i wont suck ur dick and i dont have meth but do you want a hug and some memes

CroNcH : no homo?

MrRichieRich : its 20gayteen full homo

Savethetrees : in this house everything is homo

CuterMurphy™ : im not

Shooterchic : sure jan

Shooterchic : and im totally not gonna suck jareds dick behind the school

CuterMurphy™ : im only like,,,, 19% gay

CuterMurphy™ : also groSS

CroNcH : hi im leaving u for rich he sent me memes 

Shooterchic : but he wont suck ur dick so,,,,

CroNcH : fUcK

Savethetrees : i will make you a cupcake to show my affections

CroNcH : change of plans evan i love you more than life and con pls suck my dick full homo

MichaMellon : thats a full 180 folks

Heereandqueer : noah fennce but if you steal my boyf and my boyfs boyf i will knife you 

Heereandqueer : no homo tho!!!

 


	5. no update just crying over voltron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> me @ lotlurra shippers - HAH MCFKIN KNEW IT

this isnt an update but like,,,,, i finished season 6 of voltron and iM NOT OKAY

FIRST OF ALL YES YOU DUMMY THERE IS SPOILERS

SECOND OF ALL I MCFUCKING KNEW LOTOR WAS A SNEK BUT I STILL LOVE HIM

THIRD I STILL HATE ALLURA SHES ANNOYING

FOURTH MY SHEITH HEART WAS WHOLE AGAIN

FIFTH KEITHS MUM IS SUCH A BABE I LOVE HER SO MUCH AND KEITHS PET WOLF DJFFDJUEHD KILL ME

BABY BOY LANCE GOT TO HAVE HIS SERIOUS SIDE REVEALED AND FINALLY WASNT MADE TO BE A JOKE

ALLURANCE T H R I V E D AND MY DEPRESSION IS CURED

SIXTH I HAVENT STOPPED CRYING I FINISHED IT LIKE 10 MINUTES AGO

PLEASE SOMEONE CRY TO ME ABOUT VOLTRON IM NOT OKAY


	6. Treebros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a lil insight to how Evan, Jared and Connor messages each other.

**_ Treebros _ **

 

CroNcH : if you were a kermit the frog meme what one would you be

Savethetrees : the love memes

CroNcH : thats not one meme

CroNcH : thats a collection of memes

CroNcH : but ilu so it'll pass

Shooterchic : i want to kermit sewerside  **( ☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ **

CroNcH : what iN TARNATION IS THAT BEAST

Savethetrees : uWu whats this

CroNcH : evAN NO DONT GO TO THAT PART OF THE INTERNET

Savethetrees : .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : CONNOR WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THIS FAMILY

Shooterchic : ,,,,, guess ill just die then ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

CroNcH : tHiS iS wHy We CaNt HaVe NiCe ThInGs

Savethetrees : .....

Shooterchic : ,,,,

CroNcH : dont you fuckin dare babes

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : FUCK DEDFJDNF

CroNcH : ,, if i join will you stop tainting this house

Savethetrees : possibly

Shooterchic : no

CroNcH : jfc

CroNcH : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

CroNcH : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Shooterchic : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : UWU WHATS THIS .･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･.

Savethetrees : okay can we please stop thats so cringey

CroNcH : thank fuck yes

Shooterchic : ,,,, uwu whats this

Shooterchic : okay im done only bc i love yalls

Savethetrees : i love yous toos <3

CroNcH : ehh youre alright i guess

CroNcH : IM KIDDING I LOVE MY BOYS DONT HIT ME DAD

Savethetrees : bye 

Shooterchic : laters

CroNcH : babes??????

CroNcH : cmon i didnt mean ittttttttttt

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally just a convo my friend and I had,,, such imagination


End file.
